Towel Day

Ayup loves, 

Did you know that it's 'International Towel Day' today?! I didn't, Gary the Slug told me about it last night. I think it's got something to do with that 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' doobry, but I've never read it. 

I don't really read much to be honest darlin', what with being a towel. I'm more into drying your wet bits ooh!...

'Self-Portait' by Trevor the Lady Towel

...I like the idea of it being 'Towel Day' though. So I did this self-portrait to show my appreciation. Might even give 'Hitchhiker's...' a go later. I'm sure Leroy will have it somewhere. He's got most things kicking about the flat. 

That's all from me love's. I'm off downstairs cos it's Mr. Howler's weekly soak. I never miss it. He is thorough, ooh!

Cheery'o loves,

- Trevor the Lady Towel

Corner Radiator

Hello, Leroy here. I just wanted to update you all on something that happened to me today. I was walking down't country road, minding my own business and I found a pile of unwanted items that had been “fly tipped”, I think they call it.

So I started to have a nosey through it, and I found a radiator that sempt right enough. Weh’, I say that, it sempt to ‘uv been run over by some careless bloodclot (a mardy bus driver prob’ly) resulting in the radiator been bent in’t middle at a 90 degree angle. Din’t bother me much though, thought it’d no doubt come in useful, so I carried it home, and guess what, I come up with an ingenious invention. The corner radiator! 

It’s flippin’ great. 

You know, it’s all well and good having a radiator along middle of a wall, but you have your furniture, like tables and big stuffed panda eggs, that you want to put there, and’t radiator gets in’t way! 

And what goes in’t corners of rooms anyweh’? I’ll tell you what, nowt! Not until corner radiators take off! 

The only slight problem is that I think a naked mole rat made its home in’t pile of stuff when it were run over. And I din’t realise, but the pink smear on’t back was not a funky paint job. So now every time I turn it on, it’s a smell that I can only describe as smeared, dead, run over mole rat on’t back of the radiator smell. 

Anyweh’, corner radiators, watch this space!

- Leroy Craddock

Major Gubbins' Right Hand

Erm, hello. TONE. typing. For a short while now I have been practising my life-drawing skills on Major Gubbins, or the bits of him he's willing to show me hehe. 

I originally asked Emily, because she's a mannequin. I thought she would be like a big version of those little wooden men, but she just gave me a funny look. Think I must've phrased it all wrong. 

Well, err, anyway. All the drawings below are of Major Gubbins' right hand, and they were all done with a 4B pencil. It wasn't a conscience choice, it was the only pencil that I had left after Minor Gubbins had finished throwing them out of the window at our neighbours. One of them got stuck on poor old Mr. Howler's bald head. I think it's still there actually. 

'Major Gubbins' Right Hand #1' by TONE.

'Major Gubbins' Right Hand #2' by TONE.

'Major Gubbins' Right Hand #3' by TONE.

'Major Gubbins' Right Hand #4' by TONE.

'Major Gubbins' Right Hand #5' by TONE.

'Major Gubbins' Right Hand #6' by TONE.

'Major Gubbins' Right Hand #7' by TONE.

I'm happy with them, but I feel like I've still got some way to go. I have some of his left hand that I'll post sometime maybe. I also have some that I did with oil pastels. Maybe I'll post them too.

Erm, until then, look after yourselves. Oh, and thanks for reading. 

- TONE.

Tea-Break Tomfookary

Alreight yous, Minor Gubbins 'ere cos mi' brother Major Gubbins has given mi' this stupid 'Tea-Break Tomfookary' to do. He told mi' we should maybe do summit like that crap 'Midweek Mission' thing that he and TONE. used to do, but he thought that I'd be better at it. Anyweh', it's stuff for yous to do at work, on ya' tea-break or whatever. Unless you're like me that is, and ya' don't work. Then just do it to a stranger or your family.

1. Leave a piece of food in ya' teeth and see if anyone's nice enough to say summit to yous about it. Those who don’t go straight on the ‘prick-list’.

2. Put a pigs head in the staff fridge with a note saying “you’re next!” in its gob.

3. When no one’s looking unscrew all the office furniture, leaving it all in place. Don’t forget to film it, yeah, not when there’s £250 quid or YouTube stardom to be had. Idiots love that stuff. 

4. Replace any hand sanitiser that's kickin' about wi' dog urine, or your own if ya' can't find a dog.

5. Ring ya' mobile phone provider for a chat. It proper throws ‘em off.

That's all for now, bye-bye then.

- Minor Gubbins

Hillsborough In Bloom...

Most weekends TONE., Trevor and myself leave the comfort of the flat to have a potter in one of Sheffield's many creases.

And this morning was no different. We set off early and ended up in Hillsborough, greeted by this fine show of...

...nature using irony.

- Major Gubbins

Q-TRON

As promised here is 'Q-TRON'. A sun-tinged, morphing mix of hip-hop beats, sprawling synths and sonically profound guitars...

...that just so happens to be May's addition to my album 'Intimate Moments in Public Places'. 

- Major Gubbins

The Fifth Song...

Since January, I have been releasing my twelve track album 'Intimate Moments in Public Places' one wee ditty at a time, with a new track being posted on the first Friday of every month.

And what with this Friday being the first one of May, I'll be sticking with tradition by adding the fifth song, 'Q-TRON' to the four already up on SoundCloud...

'Q-TRON - Cover Artwork' by Major Gubbins & TONE. 

...And while I'm on the subject, here are the first four tracks to tickle into your symmetrical side-holes, or ears if you will... 

...Cheery-by for now, 

- Major Gubbins