Trevor's Dirty Doodles - I Smell of Wee Wee

Ayup loves, 

Mr. Howler, the old man in the flat below us, has one of them awful toilet mat dooburys, you know, that soaks up your piddle. Well the thought of that, ooh, it's only gone and got my creative juices flowing an't it loves...

'I Smell of Wee Wee' by Trevor the Lady Towel

...Major told me that if I ever misbehaved he'd bring it to life to torment me. You know, just like how he brought me to life. Think he's only joking though darlin'. Besides, he'd 'ave to touch it wun't he and I don't think he'd like that.

- Trevor the Lady Towel

Neighbourhood Sketch - New Keith on the Block

Hello, erm, TONE. typing. How have you, er, been? 

I've been round at Keith's. He's new to the estate, think he moved in over the weekend, and from what I gather he's going through a divorce. That's what they're called isn't it? A divorce?

Anyway, I was there for a good few hours. He was watching, oh, what's it called?... 'The Notebook', that's it, yeah, he's been watching that, oh and porn, lots of porn...

'Keith' by TONE.

...Before I left he received a phone call from his wife, I mean ex-wife, I think. Is that right? Jeez, I dunno! You humans are far to complicated sometimes!... Oh yeah, the phone call, well I couldn't make out much of it, but it seemed heated. Lots of shouting and crying.

Afterwards I tried to console him, but he went berserk! Started trying to swat me, calling me horrible things. "Bastard fly" this and "bastard fly" that. I was only being nice... So before I left I did a little fly poo on his stupid bald head. Ha!

Seriously though, I hope he gets over her soon, or they sort it out, if not for themselves then for their goldfish. Poor things in a right mess.

Erm, more nebbing and sketches soon, bye.

- TONE.

Repubic

If dark grooves, revenge and castration are your... bag...

...then insert my new track ‘Repubic’ into your listening tackle. 

- Major Gubbins