Nasty Things

Hello, TONE. typing, erm, again, 

Awful things have happened! Leroy still isn’t back for one! Major, Em, Minor and Trevor were out looking for him all last night and today. While they were out, erm, two people came round and, well, the door must have been unlocked cos they let themselves in, but they didn’t steal anything, no, they, erm... they moved into Leroy’s bedroom!

They’d already unpacked all their bags when I’d realised what had happened and... I was, er, sleeping you see.

The worst bit of it was what woke me. And it wasn’t the sound of them unpacking, or moving all Leroy’s stuff out of the room and into the landing, or them painting the, er, walls, or putting up some pictures up... guess I was, er, sleepy. 

No, what woke me was the sound of a whip being cracked and the, erm, scream that followed. I thought the worst, so I scurried into Leroy’s room only to find the strangers doing, well, er, nasty things to each other. 

Luckly, at the, erm, at the same time, everyone minus Leroy, came back and heard all the nasty things happening, so ran upstairs.

There we all were, watching the nasty things through the, er, crack in the door. They stopped doing the nasty things when Minor took a photo. The flash dazzled them to, er, say the least. 

Afterwards, we and the couple talked around the dinner table, with a cup of tea and biscuits. I had a sugar cube. 

Oh yeah, the couples names are Terry and Bob-ra. Terry’s quite a small man. A bit, er, meek I think the word is. The woman, Bob-ra, is Terry’s opposite. Big, and loud, and hairy. She gulped her tea down while it was still boiling. I guess that’s where her hairy chest comes from, maybe. Terry didn’t have tea. Terry had pop with a straw. He had a jam sandwich with the, er, crusts cut off too. Oh, and a Munch Bunch yoghurt. They’re his favourite apparently. 

Between us we figured out that Bob-ra and Terry were supposed to move in next door, but because Leroy had swapped our door numbers with next doors, they thought we were next door!

Leroy swapped them round because he worried that he wouldn't be able to get to his post after his old neighbour, Mr. Briggs, mysteriously disappeared. You see, I think, the, erm, post man always used to deliver Leroy's post to Mr. Briggs, and Mr. Briggs' post to Leroy.

But the, er, swap didn't quite work, cos days later a, erm, new post man started. Leroy did think about explaining all this to the new post man, and swapping the numbers back again, but he told me he quite likes reading Mr. Briggs letters.

Anyway, erm, Terry thanked Major for the sandwich, saying it was the best he’d ever had, and went to bed. It was only half seven! Bob-ra assured us that they’d be gone as soon as they’d sorted it out with the council or something. She also asked Minor if she could get his photo of them doing nasty things framed. Minor charged them way too much, like £50 or something, but she didn’t seem to mind. Then she went to bed.

I think they're doing nasty things again.

I miss Leroy.

- TONE.